Learning About Life Each Day

I'll start off by saying I have been trying to write this for two years.  It brought me to tears writing it and thinking back.  But in the end, it truly is worth it.  I wanted my friends and family to know how important my grandparents, Sam and Esther Mizuguchi were to me.  I could have written stories upon stories, but left it like this, straight from my heart.  Thanks to all my friends and family, you know who you are and how much it meant to have your love and support.

In the span of six months at the end of 2008 and beginning of 2009, both of my grandparents on my father’s side of the family passed away.  I was not able to visit my grandfather before he passed but was fortunate to see my grandmother after she was admitted into the hospital.  Those seven days in Hawaii changed my life forever.

My grandparents were both born in Hawaii  They lived a fairly modest life, mainly on the small island of Molokai.  When I was born in Oakland in 1978, they decided to move to California to help my parents take care of my sister and I.  They made the ultimate sacrifice, uprooting from the comfort and familiarity of retirement in Hawaii to help the family in the Bay Area.

My grandparents, Sam and Esther w/ my niece Samantha

My grandparents were very old-fashioned and set in their ways.  But I would not call  our house “a typical Asian family” that many stereotype as being strict and demanding to the bone.  My grandparents had to adjust to life on the mainland, just as my parents had to adjust to life with grandma and grandpa.  There were good and bad days as there are in every family.  But the one constant and lifeblood was my grandparents who through thick and thin, supported the family in whatever way they could.

As life moved on, my grandfather eventually began to show signs of old age, slowly losing his memory.  We may never know if it was Alzheimer’s, dementia or just getting older, but his one request was to move back to the islands.  When my grandparents moved back home, it was a sense of relief in that we knew at least my grandfather would be very happy back home.  My grandmother would have preferred to stay in California, but relented again for the good of the family.  It was comforting to know that they would be surrounded by so much family and friends in Oahu who could help them out, but also worrisome for my parents, sister and I knowing that we really couldn’t do anything from so far away.  After they had spent their retired life taking care of us, we couldn’t do the same for them when they really needed it.

My dad, grandma's sister, Amy and my grandparents

My grandfather’s condition would get worse and worse with each passing year.  Our family tried to visit as often as we could or call grandma, but again, our hands were tied.  He was eventually moved into hospice care with a wonderful family in Honolulu.  It was really a relief for everyone because it had become very difficult for my grandmother to care for the both of them.  I know for myself, it was shocking to see my grandfather in the state he was in when I would visit.  This is a man who golfed into his 80’s, walking with his pull cart for 18 holes with my father and I.  He had amazing energy and vitality and to see that taken away from him was difficult for everyone to cope with.  My grandfather eventually passed away rather peacefully at the age of 96 in December of 2008.

Grandpa Sam w/ my niece

After my grandfather passed, my grandmother had hoped to move back to the mainland so she could be closer to her immediate family.  She wanted to see her great grandchildren and spend time with the rest of the family.  But about two weeks before she was planning to move back, she suddenly fell very ill and was hospitalized.  It was stunning for everyone because even though she was in her 90’s, she was walking everyday and was as energetic as ever.  My parents had planned on visiting during that time to help her get all her paperwork together and assist with the move.  But since I was the only one with somewhat of a free schedule, I made plans to visit immediately for a week.  When I arrived, I went straight to the hospital and saw my grandma lying there and the emotions rushed through my body.  As my friends and family can attest, I was an absolute emotional wreck.  I wanted to cry and cry and cry some more, but I also wanted to be strong for my grandma.  It’s one of those situations where she may not have been completely conscious or even able to recognize me, but I didn’t want to present a bad vibe on the chance that she did fight her way through this.  Eventually, the doctors gave us a very somber prognosis, saying it was highly unlikely she would be able to recover.  When they said they were going to stop feeding her intravenously, I completely lost it and had to leave the room.  I couldn’t comprehend why this was happening.    My family eventually decided that the best thing to do was to try to find a hospice family to take care of her for as long as she lived and make things as comfortable and peaceful as possible.  I made sure every minute I could spend, I was making things easier for her, either trying to give her some water and food, massaging her legs, or just talking to her so she could hear a familiar voice.  We moved her from the hospital and before I left, I had a brief moment alone with her.  It is a moment I will always remember.  I told her how much I loved her and grandpa, how much they meant to me and that I would do everything in my power to make them proud.  I left and about two weeks later, she passed away peacefully.

Grandma Esther w/ Samantha

I really struggled with both deaths.  I’m not sure if it was because it was really the first immediate family that had passed away, but I still think about them to this day.  At the beginning, I think part of my sadness was regret and being upset at myself.  I questioned why I hadn’t made it a point to visit my grandparents more often, call them or even just write them a note every once in awhile to tell them how I was doing.  My life was not so busy that I couldn’t keep more connected with them.  It was especially tough for me because of the amount they had sacrificed for me.  I had lived with them for most of my life, learning from them, having their familiar voices and faces in my life, all to be taken away in seemingly an instant.  While I was frustrated and sad about their deaths, I  was even more upset about my own “selfishness” and not doing enough for the two people in my life other than my parents who had the most influence on me and helped to raise me.  It has been a sobering two years to say the least.

Since their death, I have gone on in life with different jobs, different ideas for a career, personal life changes and a different perspective on life.  But hardly a day or week goes by without my mind wandering off to my grandparents in some way, shape or form.  While the regrets and sadness has lessened over the two years, there is still a huge void in my life from their passings.  I look at things I am doing in life and always wonder what my grandparents would think.  Part of my goals in life are to prove to myself that I can succeed in whatever I do; but a big part of me also wants to prove that to my grandparents and have them smiling down on me.  

My grandparents generosity could even be seen after their deaths as they both decided to donate their bodies to the University of Hawaii for medical students doing research and lab work.  My family went back in April to take part in a very moving ceremony put on the by the facility, department and students.  It was absolutely amazing to hear some of the wonderful speeches by the students who were so grateful for the gift my grandparents and others had given them.  It finally dawned on me that you don’t really understand what you are missing until a person or thing is gone from your life.  The weekend gave me a chance to reflect on all the good my grandparents did and how many lives they truly touched.  I can look back now, especially at my own life, and see certain traits and characteristics that I picked up from my grandparents.  I look back at some of the lessons they taught me and try not to make the same mistakes that I had before.  And finally, I look back and the regret that has haunted me since their deaths is being replaced by the fact that I know my grandparents are proud of me and supporting me from afar, no matter what I do.  They will always be a part of my life and would tell me not to live with the regret and sorrow that I have felt over the past two years, but to live life to the fullest.  I will never forget all the wonderful memories I have of my grandparents and now treasure those bright, positive moments in my life each day, knowing it will lead me to bigger and better things.  Thank you grandma and grandpa, we will always miss you.

Connecticut Wins Title, But College Basketball Also Wins

It was a rather uninspiring, anticlimactic finish to the men’s college basketball season, but the University of Connecticut Huskies prevailed in Monday night’s title game, defeating the Butler Bulldogs 53-41.

Butler Coach Brad Stevens, Photo Credit Brad J Ward, via Wikimedia Commons

The victory marked coach Jim Calhoun’s third title while at Connecticut.  When looking at the finality of the season, many people will point to Calhoun, the play of junior guard Kemba Walker, who had a season to remember from start to finish, and the ugly offensive performances on both sides during the championship game (combined 31-121, 26% FG shooting).  But I take something completely different out of this NCAA tournament.

Both Butler and Virginia Commonwealth (who lost to the Bulldogs in the national semifinals) proved once again that college basketball has become a sport where David can compete on an equal level with Goliath.  Butler went to the championship game two years in a row, something that rarely happens in any major sport, particularly as a mid-major.  And the main reason: the smaller colleges almost always have very good players who could more than likely play for bigger schools, but in a far smaller role.  Those players grow together, rarely leave early for the riches of the NBA and in many cases, play with a huge chip on their shoulders.

2006 Final Four, Photo Credit: Stepshep, via Wikimedia Commons

Players like Matt Howard and Shelvin Mack wouldn’t start for programs like Duke, Connecticut, Kentucky and Kansas.  But while their talent may not be equal to players at these “big-name” programs, their heart and work ethic usually far exceeds what other talented players exhibit.  In many cases, they know this is their opportunity, as they may never make it to the next level.  The same can be said for other “cinderella” teams in the past like Gonzaga, George Mason and even bigger programs that pulled monumental upsets (think Villanova and NC State in the 80’s).  While many of these teams had terrific players, some who made it to the NBA, their main characteristic was having a team that had been together for a few years, had grown together through the ups and downs and played together, as one, as a team.

A lot of the bigger schools recruit the best high school players who are only at the university for one year, with the sole purpose of getting ready for the NBA draft.  Can you imagine Kentucky, who made the Final Four, but could have had John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins and Patrick Patterson on this year’s squad?  The list goes on and on like this each year.  I am not criticizing these players for leaving early at all.  They are just doing what the system allows for and have every right to make a good, solid living, doing something they love.  But this “one-and-done” mentality has left openings for the smaller schools to catch up, at least a little bit.

Along with getting to know some great players for these smaller schools, we have also been introduced to some amazing coaches who get very little recognition.  Coaches like Mark Few, Brad Stevens and Shaka Smart have become household names who have battled and defeated Goliath, giving hope to other schools in the process.

Will a mid-major win the NCAA Title in the next decade?  It wouldn’t shock me as that’s the way things are trending.  As difficult as it was to watch the title game, it’s always good to see “the underdogs” have a chance; because that’s what they, along with all college athletes deserve, a chance to compete with the best and be called #1 at the end of the year.

Why Does Everyone Seem to Hate Jay Cutler?

Who knew that through these entire NFL playoffs, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler would be the most talked about player in the league.  The fervor and vitriol regarding Cutler leaving the NFC Championship Game is the greatest example of what we have become as a society and the new world we live in.

As a member of the media myself, I see the benefits of Twitter each and every day at work.  It is a quick way of getting information out to the public, a way of reporting breaking news and a way of bringing your listeners, viewers and readers up to date on stories your outlet is working on.

Thepresidentcb Asante Samuel 

If he was my teammate I would be looking at him sideways.

I could point to numerous examples, but probably one of the most recent was when Jim Harbaugh signed on to coach the 49ers.  Adam Schefter from ESPN was the first to report the story on Twitter.  Eventually more and more reporters, both local and national,  jumped on the story.  Soon, it became confirmed he was in Santa Clara and that the team was holding a news conference that afternoon in San Francisco.  Finally, terms of the deal were released.  Working that afternoon, we were following tweets, calling to confirm the story ourselves and finally able to confirm the news.  That can be a typical Twitter-based story.

ddockett DARNELL DOCKETT 

If I'm on chicago team jay cutler has to wait till me and the team shower get dressed and leave before he comes in the locker room!#FACT

The social media outlet is also a great way for athletes and celebrities to “become attached” with their fans.  Some people have millions of followers and even respond to tweets from their fans.  It also gives them an outlet to vent and get their thoughts out in the open to the public immediately, with no editor and no erase button.  But that also makes it a dangerous device to use.

Photo Credit: John Martinez Paviglia, via Wikimedia Commons

I will be completely honest; when I watched the NFC Championship Game, I had the same feelings that many people had.  Jay Cutler was playing an awful game, reverting back to the “old Jay Cutler,” the guy that took unnecessary chances and seemed to lose all forms of accuracy with the football.  He also looked fairly uninterested, almost like he was in a malaise on the sideline.  I said it myself on Twitter that I thought he was sending out a horrible vibe with his body language.

DeionSanders DeionSanders 

Im telling u in the playoffs u must drag me off the field. All the medicine in pro lockerooms this dude comes out! I apologize bear fans!

When he was taken out of the game, I was shocked.  Not having the audio up, I couldn’t hear why he was taken out and what the announcers were saying.  But following Twitter that afternoon, he soon became a huge trending topic.  Many analysts and media members were quick to point out that they were uncertain of the extent of his injury and waiting for judgement.  But that was the vast minority of opinion.  Soon enough, Cutler’s NFL brethren started weighing in, bringing his character and toughness into question, many saying they “would have to be taken off in a cart” to leave a championship game and for a lack of a better term, saying he was a “wuss” for leaving.

Photo Credit: John Martinez Paviglia, via Wikimedia Commons

As the game continued and third string quarterback Caleb Hanie entered, the bashing continued.  Every time the cameras panned to Cutler on the sidelines or bench, more and more tweets came in, seemingly getting more and more vicious in nature.  The game finally ended and despite an impressive comeback, the Packers ended up winning.  The tweets continued and it seemed the whole world was piling on.  It was very interesting to me that the Bears almost to a man stood behind Cutler, praising his toughness and leadership for the entire season.  During his post game comments, Cutler himself said he had “no comment” when asked if he knew how many players came to criticize him during the game.  But this was just the beginning of the saga.

Jones_Drew32 Maurice Jones-Drew 

All I'm saying is that he can finish the game on a hurt knee... I played the whole season on one...

When the team conducted an MRI on Cutler’s knee, they found he had a sprained MCL in his plant leg, an injury that many doctors have said would likely keep a player out for 2-4 weeks.  Many people withdrew their comments, apologized for their rush to judgement and some of his character was restored.  But even two weeks later, the articles continue and many players and analysts are still outspoken about the decision to leave the game.

kerryrhodes Kerry Rhodes 

Cmon cutler u have to come back. This is the NFC championship if u didn't know!

First off, Jay Cutler has never been a “media star” like a lot of other quarterbacks in the league.  He doesn’t do a bunch of commercials, seems to be uninterested in doing interviews and doesn’t put himself out there to be the designated “golden child.”  Many observers have characterized him as being too cocky and arrogant, spoiled and a whiner and not a true star or leader.  The sad thing is most of these people in the media or players in the league may have never had a conversation with the man himself.  I’m the first to admit, I have never met Cutler.  I don’t know what he’s like when he’s on or off the field.  And because of that, that really gives me no right to judge his character and him as a person.  The “character assassinations” taking place on Twitter and in the media are to me a complete lack of journalistic integrity and for the players, a knee-jerk reaction that they will never be able to take back.  All of these guys who piled on, where were they when Cutler was leading his team to the playoffs playing behind one of the most porous offensive lines all year (sacked 52 times, tops in the league).  Or when he was leading comebacks after being sacked five times in a game.  Or when he led the Bears to a division title when many pundits picked them to finish last in their division.  I never heard much praise for the great season the team had or for how well Cutler played this season.

SeaHawk59 Aaron Curry 

You dont not play in the NFC championship game cuz your knee hurt, only way I'd come out is if my knee is jus shattered

Honestly, I don’t think you can ever question a man’s heart and leadership from the outside looking in.  Unless you are there with him each day, in the huddle or on the sideline, how would you know anything about his character?  Was he supposed to shoot himself up with painkilling medicine (note: there are stories that he did indeed take painkilling shot at halftime).  Or maybe put on a brace and gut things out?  Has anyone asked the question that maybe the team as a whole knew how much pain he was in, how much he would struggle to perform and the team would more than likely have a better chance of winning with a backup in the game?  Because listening to all “the pundits,” it seems that all that matters, winning and not worrying about your future health.

markschlereth mark schlereth 

As a guy how had 20 knee surgeries you'd have to drag me out on a stretcher to Leave a championship game! #justsaying

I will not claim to know how much pain many of these athletes are in when they compete.  Many take painkillers or shoot themselves up just to attempt to play.  While that may seem courageous and valiant, we rarely hear the stories in the media about how those same athletes two or three years later become addicted to painkillers because that’s the only way they can cope with the numbing pain.  Or how they have debilitating injuries after their playing days are over because they tried one too many times to gut it out.  Or how they can’t really live a normal life when they are retired because of their health.  It’s a major problem that sadly goes underreported in the world of sports.

DBrooks55 Derrick Brooks 

BEARS fans I am so SORRY, I have to be crawling and cant get up to come off field,Josh Freeman would not come out, MEDS ARE AVAILABLE

Playing in pain or “laying it all out on the line” does not make an athlete a better leader or a better teammate.  It does not make that person more courageous or have a bigger heart.  It’s just something that happens.  But we in the media need to stop commending people for these so-called “no guts, no glory” acts.  Glorifying things in the media, especially on the field of play, has become too much of a cliche.

RaheemBrock Raheem Brock 

Cutler...wut a sissy! This is the NFC Championship game! Guaranteed if it was brett farve..he would still be in the game! 

My opinion on Jay Cutler.  I think he’s a pretty damn good quarterback.  I think he was put in an unenviable position by his team (why were there no reports of his injury other than that it was his knee), the TV crew that worked the game (you have two sideline reporters and can’t tell us what is happening with one of the two starting quarterbacks) and the media and players in general (immediate comparisons to Tom Brady, Phillip Rivers and others playing with injuries were unwarranted).  Absolutely no one was in the position he was in and no one knows what doctors and the team told him about his injury.  No one knew what kind of pain he was in.  And no one knows if he really wanted to try to go back in, but the team wouldn’t let him.  I hope in the future, we are not so quick to judge and let things play out before attempting to destroy someone’s character.  Because that is OUR responsibility.